For those that know me well, it is a known fact that I am an emotional roller coaster. Most of the time I manage myself well and only a couple people know when I am seriously down.
However this Christmas I would love to just curl up in bed and not get up til the new year. Even then I'm not sure that my moos would perk up any. What really suck is I have nothing to be "depressed" about. I have a wonderful family, whom I love to no end, awesome friends, that put up with my shit, and MOSTLY a FANTASTIC husband that through all the craziness still loves me and tries his hardest to keep me up.
As side from all of that, I am drowning in my own dis pare. Over what? I would like to know that too. I'm tired of feeling like this, up and down every couple months is getting on my nerves. I'm tired of relaying on medication to "fell better or normal". I want to just BE normal.
I take on the emotions of friends and family and can't shake it sometime. A friend recently had a miscarriage, actually her second in a year, and my heart is so tore for her. I have three beautiful children and she has lost two. I have never lost a child but it hurt me to the core to know that she is in such pain. I can't find the words to say to her to tell her my feelings of her pain.
My mom has also be hurting emotionally lately, my grandmother passed away a year ago this week. I am feeling guilty that I was unable to go to the funeral and support my mom like she needed me to. And I was unable to give my goodbyes to my awesome grandma. I think about her all the time and wish she could hug me and let me cry.
Instead I am poring my heart out to the huge thing called the internet in hopes that getting it all out will improve my mood and help me enjoy the holiday, instead of faking my mood.
Going to blow my nose now because I have cried while witting this entire blog post.