OK here is the deal I went to the doctors this morning for my monthly check-up. Let me back up and say that I have been on Phentermine for about 3 months now, and have to "weight in" every month. Ok so I went for my "weight in" this morning (I am the same as last month). So the Doctor says "have you been taking it EVERY day?" Well I for got a couple times, and then I was having some chest pain, so I got freaked out and didn't take it like I should, so "no I haven't taken it everyday." So then the Doctor tell me "well I guess you are not a good candidate for this medicine anymore." Well the obvious next question was, "well what else can I do?" My "wonderful" (saying that with a F-you look) say " I guess you will just have to watch what you eat, and exercise." MY head started screaming about this time!! What the F are you talking about!! I have been dieting and exercising, and I don't lose weight that is WHY I came to you!! All the tests have been run I am healthy, but my body like to hold tight to the weight that I find laying on the ground!! So after all that went running through my head, I calmly said "oh ok, well I have been walking 2 miles a day." My "wonderful" (again the f-you look) doctor tell me that walking 3 miles a day, five days a week will help me lose a POUND a month!! WTF what is the point anymore. I think I am just going to have to come to terms with the fact that I am FAT and if someone, anyone says anything to me about it I am going to have to politely tell them to go f themselves!! I will never see the pre-kid me again, I have hit the thirty year spread!! Thank God my husband loves me for my mind and not just my body, cause I would be S.O.L.
Trying to figure out a focus and direction for this thing called life. I am a wife, mother, college graduate (with no job), I have lots of hobbies and a feeling of no direction. My husband says I'm the best wife. My kids think I am cool (most of the time). What do I think of me? I guess that is the problem I don't know, I feel like I am just taking up space in the world. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and kids, but I want more from life. I want the pretty house, I want the career of my dream(not sure what that is), I want to be debt free and stress free. I have a degree in finance so I should be debt free and stress free, but the career I am looking for is no where to be found. Oh wait I can find it, but never get the job....grrrr it makes me mad. I have the degree that says I "know" what I am doing but since I didn't "work" my way through school, I have no experience. NO EXPERIENCE!!! I was a full time student, full time mom of two, then had another child, a full time wife, when was I suppose to squeeze a full time paying job into the mix? I would really love to put that on my resume but, it wouldn't help so what is the use. What was I talking about again...Oh yeah direction to my life. Hmmm, well I am happy staying at home with my children, I just wish it paid the bills. OK I'm going to stop stressing over things and just be happy with what I have, and maybe something will find me instead of me finding it!!
Birthdays come around once a year, some of us are not counting them anymore or may just counting backwards. Kids, the ones under 21 at least, anticipate their birthdays each year. My youngest child just had his 3rd birthday. I could help but think that whole day, "when did you get so big?" And it wasn't just him I was talking about either, I have come to notice the small changes in my children that are pushing them toward growing up. I don't like it and I want it to stop, however I know that is never going to happen so in the mean time I will just have to cherish every moment and preserve their sweetness in photos.
YES that is right "I QUIT"!!! After 6 and a half years of doing the dishes (yes honey I know you have helped too) by hand, I finally got a dish washer!! I was so excited that I only had a handful of dishes to do last night. You know things like pots, pans, and the knifes you don't want to go in the dish washer. Well I filled up the sink about half full cause I only had a couple dishes to do not the whole kitchen. I started with the knifes....apparently I was so excited, and thinking about the dish washer that I lost my grip of the knife it slipped and I cut my finger!!! Not bad enough for stitches or anything but bad enough that I couldn't finish the few dishes I had to do. But you know what I didn't care that much about them because I had my shiny new (to me) dish washer!!!!
In the last month or so I have become increasingly more and more addicted to MOBSTERS a silly little application on myspace. If you are not one of the thousands or millions that do not know what it is.....well your character is a "mobster" and you have to get your friends to join your "mob" and you get to "whack" people and such things like that. I have realized how out of control it has become to me. A typical day for me is to...wake up, put 2 of my 3 kids on the bus (the other one is only 3), put Phineas and Ferb on for the little one, sit down to my computer, check mail (nothing important), check twitter (my other addiction...shhh I'm keeping this one), and log in to myspace and that is where I stay most of the day. I'm not soooo addicted to it that I ignore my family, but still it is on my computer screen all day and I am always fussing with it. So as an attempt to break myself of this addition as I call it, I have been inspired over the last month or so to start a blog. My wonderfully insane hubby ( I love you honey) said that I should start this and I refused because " who is going to read it". Well I have come to the conclusion that I really don't care IF anyone reads it. This is "myspace" to say what I want, about what I want. A place to get this and that out of my head if you will. So as of right now I have no direction in which I plan to go with this, or how often I plan on adding to it. I am hoping that this will become my new addiction and maybe some brave people will join in. Thanks and stay tuned!!!